Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Thought Association

When I get up, hit the shower and start my day it's never a big deal.

But, if I get up, go outside to work, in the yard or with animals, and wait to shower (to wash off  "the great stinky outdoors") it's always a pain in the neck. I've already gotten dressed once, now I have to undress, get wet and put on a bra - AGAIN! I just want to be three years old, plant my feet and say no! I'd be happy to sit around in a mu mu all day and if it weren't for sweat & fresh eau d'horse I'd surely do it!

Why is it even an issue? Just hop in the shower and go, right?  I have no idea. Just is. Which reminds me of some little people I used to know. Each of my three darlings had their quirks. The Commander wouldn't eat vegetables for the life of him, #1 Daughter didn't like fruit and....oh, I could fill the page with comments about french fries, pink, sitting under the table, forts, imaginary civilizations...

At the moment tho, my reluctance to get into the shower and get dressed, so I can do something with the rest of my day, just reminded me of a certain boy and his wardrobe. He'd get used to wearing long pants during the winter and come spring I just about had to duct tape him to the wall to get shorts on him so he wouldn't die of heat stroke. In the fall we'd do it in reverse. Couldn't get him out of his shorts and into long pants so he wouldn't freeze. Being our first child, the Commander was perhaps a bit indulged. Fortunately his sister came along. He had to learn to share and has grown up to be a responsible, intelligent, social adult. But I had to run pay attention to keep up with him.

Now we've have the good news that he and the DIL are expecting. TWINS! I'm so happy for them. Children add a joy, depth & dimension to your life that you never knew you were missing until you have them. And twins? Well, double the pleasure or double the trouble! I'm laughing because if they have two with the DIL's personality/spirit it will be smooth sailing all the way. If they have one for her and one for him, things might get a little interesting. But if they end up with two Little Commander's...well the thought just kinda makes me grin. All I can say is good luck getting those kids out of shorts when it's 20 degrees outside. And I probably should warn them, to never, EVER, get those children trains, let them see a train, let them hear a train.....bwahaha, long story. Just take my word for it! ;)

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Procrastinator's Hell

Yesterday I waited until the evening to clean the corral. Wanted it to be cooler, 'cause scooping poop is hard work! I was just about to go find my shovel when Farm Boy comes out and says "Your show is on!"

"Eh. I've got work to do."

"Oh come on. It's the season finale."

"Nah, I need to get this done."


And really, when faced with 1)missing one of the only TV programs you watch or  2)hauling horse manure....

I went inside.

This morning the alarm goes off. I push the snooze button. Alarm is still going.


This time I punch the snooze button. Alarm is STILL going.

I pick up the clock, turn the alarm off and there. is. still. noise...

Sigh. Cell phone alarm.

While yesterday was warmish, this morning is overcast. The clouds start moving in. The wind picks up. Oh oh. I'd best get moving.

Alas, by the time I made it to the corral the first drops of rain were falling. Dust was whirling around and it soon began to pour in dead earnest.

It only took about 45 minutes but by the time I was through I was soaked to the bone, covered in crap, with mud up to my knees.

The plan was to go in the back door, and in deference to the neighbors sensibilities I refrained from shedding my clothes on the deck.


The door was locked. I tried the next door...of course I'm locked out of the house.

Finally got into the garage once I got the *&!$# garage door opener to work. By now things are getting desperate because I really have to use the bathroom. Just as I punch the button to shut the garage door the cat dashes in thru the pelting rain and makes the door return to the open position. Rain is pouring in the garage and I have to try again & wait until it closes all the way this time.

Step inside, shed everything and streak nekked thru the house. (Y'know the one with all the curtains open.)


But that's what I get for putting stuff off.

I'm pretty sure catching the last show of the season wasn't quite worth it.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Aced Out

Ours is a three bedroom house. With only The Youngest left at home we finally had a spare room...Farm Boy has never slept well. He snores, talks in his sleep, grinds his teeth, gets up several times during the night, likes to read himself to sleep and is prone to turning on the light to peruse his favorite novel (in the middle of the night,) thrashes violently at times, and LOVES heat. The more blankets the better until he is literally drenched with sweat. Then he throws off the covers, gets cold and moves his clammy body back to snuggle with mine to get warm again.


Needless to say I've been sleep deprived for almost 30 years.

An empty bedroom solved that problem.


Now, The Youngest has a friend in need of a place to stay for a couple of weeks. Nice kid. No problem, but no one wants to give up their bed so Kiddo ends up with the twin size air mattress and bunks down on the floor in the office.

Bedtime is early. Boys have to get up starting at 5:15 to shower, eat, read scriptures, and travel to zero hour & seminary classes. Farm Boy is busy and running between TV room & office. I need him to settle down so kids can settle down.

Not happening.

So I tell The Youngest to take my bed and have Kiddo sleep on floor in there. Only place left in house where light, noise & confusion don't reign.

Then Farm Boy decides he's done.


So I yell down the hall to the Youngest, "Never mind, your dad is going to bed." The Youngest and Kiddo have a quick conference.

Kiddo comes out and grabs the air mattress, I assume, to put on the floor in the office.

I turn around and see Kiddo, with that big mattress tucked under his arm, and he goes sprinting thru the living room, down the hall into my bedroom like a surfer headed for the big wave!

I follow him down the hall, thinking they misunderstood, saying "Hey, HEY, HEY!" as the bedroom door closes in my face. It reopens just long enough for my pillows to be chucked out into the hall. I try guys can sleep where you usually do. I tell The Youngest, "Your dad is through for the night..."

Hah! The Youngest is laughing, saying he has already claimed the big bed for his for the night. "You said I could have it and no going back on your word..."

How sweet, a sleep over.

I look at his twin bed in "The Man Cave."


Meanwhile, Farm Boy, seeing that they've already moved headquarters, decides to continue with his project.

Dang. Completely and totally aced out.

I look at the cat. You know the one that likes to take up about a third of my queen size bed.

She looks at me.

"Oh no you don't," I say, as I dive on the boy's bed.


It's a dog eat dog world.


Monday, January 14, 2013


Sitting and talking with some friends about a couple we know who have been married for 20+ years. I mentioned that one of the things that impressed me the most was that after all that time of "rubbing along" they still looked at each other and the one adjective they use to describe the other was "fun!!!!" They're like magnets, each seeking the other whenever possible, wanting/needing to spend their spare time with each other.

Now, I'm thinking that in most marriages there are things you appreciate about your spouse and then things you've learned to live with... My view has always been that it works as long as the good out weighs the bad.

Occasionally you see a couple that still appear to be honeymooning years after the fact.

Totally cool.

Most of us, however, have calmed down a bit. Not complaining, just the way it is.

So another gal has been sitting there listening to us chat - all of the sudden she blurts, "Well, ---- (Farmboy) told me he thinks you're funny and interesting."


(LOL - blindsided from the left field!)

I know I just looked at her for a moment, and hopefully the look on my face wasn't too incredulous, finally I just said, "huh?"

Bless her soul. I guess she thought I needed some positive reinforcement, but I'm pretty sure those words have never left his mouth and if they ever did/would  that he wouldn't be having that conversation with  her.

I am funny. In a wickedly, sarcastic kind of way. And interesting? Eh...probably depends on who you are and how bored you are !!!! My sense of self esteem is intact.  But those aren't traits that the Farmboy spends a lot of time dwelling on. And Farmboy has good traits. I'm aware of that. But F.U.N. !!!! Y'know, not everyone is the class clown or a stand up comedian. He's not. That's okay.

So, yes, that was a little weird. I told him about it afterwards. He looked at me and said, "I never said that."

Now I am laughing!!!!!

Yes, dear. I know.

Monday, November 26, 2012

You Little Whippersnapper You!

I head for bed. Close the door, pull my covers up and snuggle in. I start to doze off.

Suddenly I snap back awake. Farm Boy and The Youngest have decided to have a loud and robust conversation in the hall, right outside the bedroom door.

Hunting, guns, ha ha ha, blah, blah, blah.


Raucous laughter.

"HEY!!!! Shut up out there!!!"

Farm Boy, "Oophs, your mother has issues." I hear his retreating footsteps.

The Youngest however, opens the door, laughing, and says, "You sound just like the old lady in the movies, yelling from the room upstairs!"

"Yessss, thank you. Now close the door."

"Goodnight GRANDMA." he says with a smirk.



Sunday, November 25, 2012

May I Say Who's Calling?

The phone rings.


"HI! This is Allison."

I'm just standing there...and I'm thinking, the secretary from school? Jillian's sister Allison?

"I'm returning your call?

???? Ummm.

I'm totally drawing a blank and then finally my brain returns from the short cruise it was on to the Bahama's...

"Oh! ALLYSON! Sorry, misplaced my mind for a moment. Yes! I called about...blah, blah, blah..."

Honestly sometimes...and yet I have to laugh about this name confusion game. I was talking to the Farm Boy and saying, "and then Shirley said..."


In exasperation, "No, Shirley L***!" What was he thinking? Could he even vaguely envision the other Shirley playing Tarzan from her deck? (I know... great story, but not mine to tell here!)

Or "Carrie called."

"Kerry? You mean, the Bishop?"

"NO! Carrie, the girl."

??? He's got that look, does he even know a female named Carrie?

"For heavens sakes guy, Carrie F*****!"


And so it goes.

But my favorite was talking about Wendy to Wendy. One Wendy is petite and lives in S. California. The other Wendy is tall and lives about a mile from me. I've know the one for 35 years the other about 25 years. But after visiting Los Angeles this summer, apparently I was doing the old, "Wendy this, Wendy that..." It was getting confusing. I started resorting to calling them Little Wendy and....

Of course you can follow the other's 'name' to it's logical conclusion to which SHE said,

"Ummm, no. Let's find a more flattering way to refer to me. I don't do BIG Wendy."


Whoops. ;)

Friday, November 16, 2012

Small Acts of Kindness

All body parts are functioning as normal, or pretty much as normal as they will ever be again. There are new limitations to live with, but it is what it is. Time to refocus on justifying my existence. So I'm looking for service opportunities.

Be careful what you ask for!

Large and small in the last two weeks all I have to do is stand still for a few moments and "things" present themselves. Which is good, but:

That quick craft project? Six hours later I had it done. Cute, but having bad thoughts about glue guns. Still it was one less thing my very busy friend had to worry about. Made me happy to know I'd lifted a small burden.

Teach what? Ohhh, so not my favorite. I flat said no. She thought I was kidding. Sigh. It won't kill me.

Dinner for how many? Got it covered.

You did what to that computer? And I'm supposed to fix it how? This is gonna take a while.

They are where? Who has them & why? Huh? Okay. Okay. I'll take care of it. Yes. I know. You're welcome.

Twilight? Again. Seriously? Ummm. You know I love you when I stay up until 1:30 in the morning for a girl's night out to see a show I loath, am not really interesting in.

Your teenager needs a place to camp for four days? Sure.

Do I look like your mother? Never mind. Where are you? I'll be right there.

But the best was my pregnant neighbor who was due last Sunday. She called because all her friends who said they'd watch her 3 year old son took off for the weekend and she needed someone to watch Ben until her mother could get here when she went into labor. (Mom lives ~ 100 miles away.) Sure!

I thought about it and called back. "Okay, so you have his favorite snacks/toys, schedule etc. written out /where I can find it to help ease the transition of having a "strange" person coming over to take care of him, yes?"

"Oh, I'll get that taken care of," she said.

The weekend passes. No baby. But last night her husband calls. "Can you take Ben for a while?"

"Oh, sure. What time do you want me over there?"

"How about I just drop him at your house until Grandma gets here?"

So in a little while Mr. Ben is handed in the door with one diaper and dad is gone.

Fortunately I realized that being dropped at the neighbor ladies' place, who he only sees occasionally waving at him from the front yard, might be a bit traumatic so I had Will put on an animated Disney show, we turned up all the lights so it was nice and bright, pulled out a furry, snugly blanket, spread the Lego's out on the floor and strategically placed Spiderman fruit snacks on the table right in front of the TV. When dad set him on the sofa & I placed an open pack of yummies in his hand he was sufficiently distracted so dad could slip out the door.

The kid was totally calm and sweet. Will built him little Lego cars. Ben was perfectly content. He had toys in one hand, snacks in the other and between making putt putt noises for the cars and neighs for the toy horse, he kept an eye on the TV and watched lively segments of the DVD. 

Happy child. Success!

When Grandma showed up, I went to answer the door. My little shadow followed. I said "hi" and turned to pick up Ben's coat. "Time to go, cutie!"


He marches quickly into the living room, climbs into the rocking chair, braces his feet, and YELLS, "No! NO! NO!"

New game plan.

I look at grandma. "So, why don't you have a seat, and we'll chat?" :)

We make casual conversation and after a couple of minutes I get up and get a couple more packages of fruit snacks and hand them off.

"Oh, look Ben. Grandma has more Spiderman treats for you!" He calmly looks at her. Then looks away. We chat a bit more, then I pick up the coat again. "Let me help you put on your coat guy!"

I get the look.

Then he holds out one arm, then the other...

He, Grandma & the fruit snacks disappear into the night.

It's good to be useful.