Very BIG Needles

I sooo would have not made a good junkie.

Hate needles.

Always have since I was a little girl and my parents, for some reason, decided to take all 4 of us kids to the doctors office for shots.

Mom left.

The four of us were hanging out in one of the rooms. I was about four????

The nurse comes in with this hypo. Looks around and grabs Ron. Jabs him - he squeals and makes all kind of noise. Then Allen. He didn't look a lot happier. After that Jo and by the time she got to me, well I wasn't sure exactly WHAT was going on, but my little brain had processed that it was. not. a. good. thing.

I remember making a dash for freedom. I jumped over a chair, tried to climb over the bed...I was terrified. I think I was going to try to jump out of the barred windows. Tears were streaming down my face. The woman must have been a bulldogger in a former life because she grabbed me as I ran past, sat on me and you know, I was so hysterical that I can't even remember getting the shot now.

Still don't know what it was for.

I asked Mom. She doesn't remember.

Needless to say I've cast a jaundiced eye at anyone bearing a needle since.

I've had 3 c-sections and being Rh neg. and somewhat accident prone I've had multiple opportunities to glare at needle bearing, nurses, technicians, phlebotomists & doctors.

And you know what?

They don't care.

In order to try to preserve some vestige of dignity I long ago decided to simply ignore the blood suckers. I go to my happy place: ride my gelding, Sabyr, along the South Touchet River; listen to the breeze rustle thru the leaves; and feel the warmth of the sun on my back. It also helps to look any place but where they're setting up their mid-evil weapons of torture...

So today, I had to go get cortisone shots in both knees. It's been seven months since the last one and that was just in the left knee. The doctor used his little freeze spray stuff, the nurse handed him the needle below the table and other than feeling a short period of pressure, it was done.

Oh, you rock Doc!

Today however, the Orthopedic Office was a little busy. Sandra, the nurse, filled the syringes, laid out all the supplies and left. I read a magazine, contemplated the ceiling, laid down & pretended to take a short nap, but you know when you and the needles are just sitting there for 45 minutes...

Holy kraut! Look at those puppies. I've used smaller needles on my horses!!! Now I know the cortisone is probably viscuous and needs a larger hole and bigger needle to be delivered, but these babies were a good 3 inches long.

I stare in fascination.

Then I start figuring how much longer I could deal with the pain before it would drive me back to the office...Just as I finally decided that there is no time like now to revert to my 4 year old self, and make an escape, Dr. Perry walks in.

He grabs the syringe  and waves it around. He has forgotten that I have a needle phobia. I grit my teeth and focus on the door knob.

First one, some pressure but pretty good. I let out the breath I'm holding.

Second one...yes, I know to hold VERY STILL. But I have chubby knees. That makes it more difficult to hit the correct spot and well, "we" didn't make it. The needle hits a nerve and the knee bounces in an automatic reflex.

"Eek," I squeak, "sorry, sorry, sorry."

"DO NOT MOVE." He says through gritted teeth.

"I know, I know, I know..."

We both take a collective breath.

"Okay, I have this in but I need to re-angle it. Stay still."

As I nod, he goes again & I let out an involuntary squeal and I find I'm trying to suck my leg backwards into the table. He stops momentarily. We look at each other. Then he "jams" it home & injects the fluid in one quick motion...

"Ummm," I say, "that was - fun."

He looks at me sympathetically and says, "Ice it when you get home."

Sandra finally shows up. As I go to the front desk she walks with me. "You okay?
You're not going to collapse are you?"

"No, no." I say. "It just feels a little weird, but it'll work itself out. Besides, seriously, if I fall what are YOU going to do about it?"

"Well," my 115 pound nurse says, "I can catch you...or if all else fails, throw myself on the floor first so you have some cushioning to land on!"

I've got a visual on this and I just start LMAO! I grope for the wall so I literally don't fall down laughing.

I wipe a tear from my eye and say, "If that happens, do us both a favor and get the heck out of the way!!!!"

Silly girl.

You know, I've been doggin' the diet for a while. Lost 55 pounds and then just got lazy...but not anymore.

Needles, very BIG needles = incentive. Lots & lots of incentive.