Kid Wars

Anyone remember the "Daisy Kingdom" dresses that were so popular around 1990?

 I do.

The memories involve two young mothers, their daughters, and a "I can put more ruffles, bows, lace, cutsie buttons, fabric and anything else you can think of on a dress than you" competition. One little girl would show up on Sunday in a cute little dress. Everyone would ooh and ahhh over it while Mom modestly demurred..."oh, it was nothing, just sometime I whipped up last nite..."

The next Sunday the other mother would trot her daughter out with a slightly more elaborate outfit.

And the next Sunday....until eventually the ladies were glaring at each other, everyone else was laughing and the little girls staggered under the weight of their costumes or tripped over the frills. Their poor little legs poked out like sticks underneath the voluminous skirts.  Victims of their mother's ambition.


I have seen "Kid Wars" played out time and time again. Apparently "we" can feel better about ourselves if our kid is better looking, smarter, faster....(fill in the blank) than anyone elses. I try to avoid that particular game but occasionally you can just feel yourself getting sucked in...

So - without going into particulars, there is a couple we know who's oldest children have provided some parenting challenges that have lead to a series of embarrassments that leaves the "My kid is better than yours" scoreboard, to the mother's intense dismay, not balancing in her direction. Their youngest son has become the "shining hope" in their quest for social redemption. Unfortunately he too has developed a few glitches.

Enter the Youngest. Mine that is...the kid has that Ferdinand the Bull thing going on. Y'know just happy to hang with whoever is happy to be with him. Likes sitting there in the sunshine, in the meadow smelling the flowers. He's just part of the "get along gang." Gets decent grades, B student (could be an A student but not overly motivated.) Understands it's a good thing to render service, doesn't complain much, never whines. (Big no no in our house and while we're at it, let's be perfectly clear. I. do. not. whine. I BITCH. Thank you very much, now back to our regular programming...) Becoming proficient in karate and piano. Not really a jock but growing into a tall, good looking kid.

Cue up the Star Kid Wars sound track.  Seems there isn't enuf room for both kids. Over the last couple of years some truly stupid stuff has gone on including having a brand new tent that we'd bought destroyed. Nasty rumors and innuendo spread about, and a classic incident occurred when the Youngest had cracked his arm during sports. Doctor put a heavy duty brace on it and 1st period of the school day "Psycho Boy" decided that the Youngest was faking the injury to get attention. (Guess he should have brought the x-ray with him.) So Psycho Boy walked up to him, took his fist and slammed it down on the brace as hard as he could. Pain just about dropped the Youngest and Psycho Boy took off. They don't see each other again until right before lunch. Psycho Boy was surprised that the Youngest hadn't taken off the brace and quit faking so to prove a point he charged up again and took another swing...

Oh dear.

I'm conflicted.

My fingers are starting to clench as I type. 

Now there are a lot of things that could be done. But there are eternal consequences. And while I grit my teeth, that old WWJD thing keeps coming back. These are people who have issues. The ward tries to support and encourage them and rightly so. No one should tear someone else down. (Unless they're blogging to try and defuse their intense irritation.) Meanwhile I know the Youngest can take care of himself. He has enough self defense technique under his belt to lay Psycho Boy out but we're not trying to start WWIII here. So what's to do? Obviously they are not going to be great, good friends. Conversely we'd be pretty small people to return what they've been dishing out so we're left with...counselling him to be polite? If he can't actively fellowship the boy, then at least stay away from him, allow him his little patch of earth, find something else to do, hang out with other kids, lots of them that The Youngest gets along with. Basically the old "they cause themselves enuf misery, we don't need to add to it."

Which works.

Kinda.

So last week:

And I may (or may not have) expressed my strong displeasure about the following situation to Farm Boy....

The guys were in the gym playing a game. About 12 boys, not a girl in sight. The Youngest had put on a clean pair of pants before going but was a bit rushed and didn't get his belt on. When he bends over the top of his shorts show. Apparently there is a "Your shorts are showing" song. Psycho Dad starts singing it. The Youngest gets a piece of twine and ties his britches up. Still a small portion of the band of the shorts can  be seen if he bends over. Psycho Dad continues to sing his song, harasses him about his attire and informs him that his shirt is too short. (Not.) Plus Psycho Dad also decides to revisit (for the third time) a scouting issue that has previously been resolved and informs the Youngest that he needs to take care of it and not his "mommy".

 ?????

Here, let's do that again.

?????

Ummm, I'm not even going to get into the scouting thing.

Meanwhile, The Youngest does the best he can, is trying to be polite, doesn't talk back (which probably translates into withdrawing.) Time to go. I pick him up. Kid is quite and tense. "What's up?" He relates his story.

What do I tell him? I mean, really. He has backed up, gone around...what is this? Seven times seven??? I guess. So...

"Well", I finally say, "what was your initial problem tonight?"

He's ticked, no response. So I help..."Belt, right?" "You know not to leave the house without it. Bet you don't forget next time, huh?"

"But Mom, he just went on and on with his stupid song and wouldn't quit. He's an adult but he acts as bad as his kid!"

I start laughing. I couldn't help it.

"Son, you've heard the old story about the acorn not falling far from the tree? With Psycho Boy and his dad as examples you now know what not to do. Eh?"
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