It's Just Not Done!

In Robert A. Heinlein 's book Friday he discusses the marks of a sick culture. He notes, in a conversation between Friday and her Boss, that ....

Sick cultures show a complex of symptoms such as ... (violence, muggings, sniping, arson, bombing, terrorism of any sort. Riots of course - but I suspect that little incidents of violence, pecking away at people day after day, damage a culture even more than riots that flare up and then die down...Oh, conscription and slavery and arbitrary compulsion of all sorts and imprisonment without bail and without speedy trial - those things are obvious; all the histories list them.) BUT a dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot. This symptom is especially serious in that an individual displaying it never thinks of it as a sign of ill health but as proof of his/her strength.

Okay, we've established that I blog, in part, to vent about my issues. Ya leave the house and people do some pretty outrageous things. If they're right in my face, I'm may occasionally say "no...to all of that," (I'm not a very good door mat) but usually I back off, go around, under etc. Yes, we all know I mumble about it here but basically I usually take care of whatever needs to be taken care of and go on my way. While I fall short of the ideal charitable, gracious person - at the back of my mind is always....Grandma Emtman.

Born in 1892 in Germany, she came to America in 1927. Married shortly after that and had four girls. My mother was the second oldest. Grandma spent quite a bit of time with us, or should I say we spent quite a bit of time with her. There are many interesting stories but at the end of the day her legacy was...."IT'S JUST NOT DONE!" Regardless of what we were doing, if we were slothful, misbehaving, or ill kept she was quick to lower the boom and let us know that whatever we were doing, that was inappropriate, needed to cease and desist. Immediately.

I'd be lying if I told you that Grandma Emtman was an easy woman to be around. But occasionally I look at the world around me and mourn the demise of her value system. We seem to be in desperate need of it. Good manners are not a waste of time. They are the "lubricant" that make us able to interact with one another gently and coexist peacefully. Just because someone does something differently than us should not be an occasion to hoist a stiff middle finger or pollute the airwaves with foul language. Hopefully, most of us would agree that a little self control in interpersonal relationships is a good thing.

Grandma's, "It's just not done!" (along with that particular, clipped, German accent) could surely be useful in a little behavior modification in today's world and go a long towards getting our society off the dead and dying list.
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