I was driving The Youngest home.
Suddenly, with no intro or prior conversation topic that would lead to this subject, he blurts, "I hate nicey, nice people."
Uh, okay. And?
He struggles to articulate, but is basically saying that he likes people who are more direct, who say what they have to say and who aren't....PHONY!
Well son, is it possible that they're just trying to be polite?
"No, no." And, while not telling me of a specific situation he managed to relay his very real frustration with people who he views as not being honest and shared his views that it really isn't nice, it isn't kind and most certainly isn't helpful.
I have to laugh. This kid has been hanging around his mother wayyyy too long.
You know there isn't a mean bone in his body. He's a good kid and very seldom has anything negative to say about other people.
But I know what he's talking about. Most of us are aware of the old...if you don't have anything nice to say - don't say anything at all and we try to follow the golden rule. So we all try to be nice, while remaining honest & keeping our integrity intact and overlay that with compassion - with varying degrees of success.
I was on the computer yesterday and a gal was quite irate. She writes a humor blog and someone else was offended by her writing and commented, chastising the blogger for her language & her attitude. Following are excerpts from her blistering response:
(note - edits are mine)
If you feel like I'm a horrible person for making fun of those people native to the state in which I currently reside, fine. Stop reading my blog RIGHT NOW, drive your uptight *** down here, and see if you can muddle your way through their nonsense. I dare you. Those posts are supposed to be humorous...
Need me to keep going?
If you think I'm promoting drinking and drugs to kids, (where the **** that came from, I'll never know) by telling you people that I have a glass of champagne and a muscle relaxer (or two) to help me sleep some nights -then you fall off a building, break a large percentage of the bones in your body, and then try to lead a somewhat normal life...
Chances are, your kids are learning their bad habits from you, not me. Where do you think I learned how to drink and curse? That's right...my Mama. She's **** proud of it too.
And speaking of... if you think I curse like a sailor, well, then, you're correct. If you have a problem with that, stop ******* reading my **** blog. I don't criticize your obviously fake, 24/7 sunshine and rainbows blog. I don't like yours, so guess what? I don't read it. You don't like mine? Stop ******* reading it.
I didn't start my blog so you could read it. I started my blog so I could ***** about my life. If you happened to stumble across it, fine. (You don't like it?) Keep on stumbling right on over to the next one. I don't need your ********. I have enough of my own, thankyouverymuch.
Perhaps a little bit too direct for my taste, (I was definitely suffering from an "F" overload) but yeh, I laughed. She had a fine little rant going on there.
Unfortunately, I've communicated my opinion just as "ably" in other situations. A while back a good friend of mine showed up in church wearing an interesting dress. It was an unusual style for her and had a bold horizontal pattern that would be difficult for even a very slender woman to carry off and my friend isn't quite that thin.... She was walking across the foyer when I turned and saw her. I know my eyebrows raised and I'm sure a big ol' grin started to spread across my face before I caught myself. She looked at me, changed course and made a direct beeline to me.
"I know what you're thinking, and I don't care!" She said. "I actually bought it as a swim suit cover up but it's so comfortable I thought I'd wear it and I don't care what you think, I like it!"
"Well, there you go! That's all that matters and besides, I didn't say a word," I responded smoothly. "You're right, the fabric looks comfortable and it's very cheerful and bright."
She glared at me. I ducked my head and stifled a snort.
I'm sure glad we're friends, (and with any luck that dress will be confined to the pool area in the future.)
Not one of my finer moments... but I tried to explain to The Youngest that finding a medium ground between being blunt/hurtful and coming across as phony is a good thing. And that his young friend(s) are probably trying to find that middle ground also.
So okay, if you run into the girl who comes across as all fake, 24/7 sunshine & rainbows you still need to be as polite as possible. She might grow into a honest to goodness person, with a decent personality, and sense of humor... someday. There was a young gal who was driving me crazy with the mamby pamby stuff she had going on - I know she was trying to be nice but given the option I'd opt for sincerity. My friend Sharon, saved the day, telling me to be patient with her.
"I was just like that when I was a young woman too," she said.
I looked at her in disbelief... "Nooo."
"Oh yeah, I was realllly bad."
Hard to believe that. Sharon is totally cool, and if this girl turns out half as good as Sharon she'll have something going on!
So, re: phonies? Hang in there son. There are a lot of real people out there.
But sometimes - you just have to wait them out.