Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Gotta hate it when someone says..."don't tell anyone but..."

Secrets, confidences, gossip. Call it what you will (depending on the individual situation), there is a reason for the saying loose lips sink ships. Once information is out it is hard, if not impossible to call it back.

Someone is going thru a difficult time. It's hard to deal with though. Sometimes we feel so alone. We need to talk to others not only to connect but get feedback. But the minute you talk the gate is open, if only a crack. How trustworthy is your friend? Are you dumping your burdens on them? Will they think less of you? Can you share the pain? Can they bear the pain? Are they merely attracted to the salacious details or they there because they want to provide help and comfort? Or any combination of the above?

And what's the shelf life of this information. Days, months, years? Is what you share now going to come back and bite you 20 years down the road?

Maybe it's just better to say nothing. Certainly less embarrassing.

And much, much more alone.

Slowly, but surely, others pick up on the vibe. They don't know what exactly, but something is wrong. They hunt around the edges. Some are more forth right than others. The boldest simply state, "I want to know." These are easier to brush off than the ones who pause thoughtfully then quietly ask, "what's going on with ****?  Is everything okay?"

There is a deer in the headlight moment. Like most things in life, ultimately it has a tendency to be a yes or no kind of question. You can't truthfully answer yes, and there is a small space in the conversaton as you try to figure out how to avoid lying and saying no. It is just a fraction of a second before you spit out a prearranged party line.

Too late.

They look at you, trying to gage your expression, and you tell yourself - I shut up now. The intuitive ones let you off the hook with, "It's none of my business, huh?"

You know, you can spend an uncomfortable amount of time just looking at another person, the silence a great void between you, before both turn to talk about ... the weather.

Knowing that the gate just opened a little wider.
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